Some of the Oracle real life messages

Q. What if your Dad loses his car keys?
A. 'Parent keys not found!'

Q. What if your old girl friend spots you with your new one?
A. 'Duplicate value on index!'

Q. What if the golf ball doesn't get into the hole at all?
A. 'Value larger than specified precision!'

Q. What if you try to have fun with somebody else's girlfriend and get kicked
out?
A. 'Insufficient privileges on the specified object!'

Q. What if you don't get any response from the girl next door?
A. 'No data found!' or ' Query caused no rows retrieved!'

Q. What if you get response from the girl next door and her Mom too?
A. 'SELECT INTO returns too many rows!'

Q. What if you dial a wrong number?
A. 'Invalid number' or ' Object doesn't exist!'

Q. What if you try to beat your own trumpet?
A. 'Object is found mutating!'

Q. What if you are too late to office and the boss catches you?
A. 'Discrete transaction failed!'

Q. What if you see 'theatre full' when you go to a movie?
A. 'Maximum number of users exceeded!'

Q. What if you don't get table in the lunch room?
A. 'System out of tablespace!

Source Code for "Indian Female Software Professionals"

C++ Structures defining female software professionals!

/*=========================================
** here's a piece of C++ code...No experience required :-)
*=========================================
*/

Source Code for "Indian Female Software Professionals"

struct Indian_Bachelor_female_professional {
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind ;
void knowledge;
char non_co_operative;
};

struct Married_female_Software_Professional {
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossips;
float hopes;
void work;
char unstable;
};

struct Female_Engaged_software_professional {
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
};

struct Indian_Newly_Married_software_professional {
double dinner_invitations;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_breaks;
float talks;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
};

struct Indian_husband_wife_software_professional {
double income;
short temper;
long time_no_see;
float new_software_company;
void love_life;
char money_minded;
};

The strange computer

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and
our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class,
she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the
inputs for the keyboards.

She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on
her face. She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she
typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was
hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced. I started to type, "Leave me
alone!" They both jumped back, silenced. "What the..." the teacher said.
I typed, "I said leave me alone!"

The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!" It was all I
could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and the
PC went on for an amazing five minutes.

Me: "Don't touch me!"

Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."

Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc.

Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair
laughing. After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red.
Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.

Normal working day in the life of a engineer

8:30 AM: wake up
8:45AM : Tough decision ; To bath or not.
8:50AM: Have To.
9:15AM: Punch in.
9:20AM: Check Mail.
9:25AM: Check Again just in case...
9:30AM: Since It is already 9:30 wait for tea (9:45AM).
9:45AM: TEA party.
10:00AM:Check Mail.
10:05AM:Check again. Can'nt Believe that no mail has come. Is every body
dead or what.
10:20AM: Sudden feeling of loneliness and dsperation. Turn around to
look for some body (Any body) to talk to.
10:30AM: Found a guy testing something. Feel real pity for his
pathetic,boring and useless existence.
10:40AM:Sudden urge to get some work done and fast. Start looking for
the file. (Can't remember it's name)
11:00AM: Boss summons in his office. Bad sign.
11:30AM: How the hell am i suppose to remember everything. Why should I
be responsible for everything that goes bad.
11:45AM: Try to locate a scape goat. No body around.
12:00AM: Mood is really bad decide to postpone work till after lunch.
12:30AM: lunch
1:00PM: Lunch over.
1:10PM: Go for a smoke. Can't even smoke in this god forsaken place.
1:35PM: Back from a smoke. It was good. I even did not paid for the cig.
the other chap is so foolish.
1:50PM:Mood is good. Decide to go to DesiBoyZ Masala. Real sleazy
thoughts.
2:30PM: Feeling real sleepy after such a mammoth mental effort.
2:45PM: Tea Time.
3:00PM: Chat and discuss with collegue on the bad state of the company.
Blame every body for incompetence and laziness.
4:00PM: A guy from testing comes for help. (Jerk)
4:11PM:Try to look busy.
4:12PM: He is asking for a technical help. (Real jerk).
4:15PM: After really making him beg for help decide to take a look.
4:50PM: No solution found. Really angry on the guy for getting myself
involve.
4:55PM: Sudenly boss is spotted in the neighbouring area. Try make as
much loud noise as possible with some obscure technical jargon thrown in.
5:00PM: Boss has gone back to his den. Coast is clear.
5:05PM: Blame the problem on RnD.
5:10PM: Check mail. "Yes" a mail has finally arrived.
5:13PM:It's a silly joke and old too. But it felt good.
5:14PM: a quick dash for gate.
5:15PM: Third in punching out.
5:25PM: Reached Room.
5:26PM: TV on. No worth while program.
8:30PM: Still no worth while program. Every body is getting lazy and
irreseposible what will happen to this world GOD help us. Curse goverment and
RnD.
8:45PM: Food arrives. Pretty bad and stinking.
8:48PM: Dinner finished.
8:50PM:bay watch. At last some quality.
11:30PM:Mtv Grind. Hmm things are looking up.
12:45PM: Today there were really good programs.
1:46PM: decide to sleep. Tough day ahead.