short stupid jokes

sardar ji to his friend: Yar bari mushkil main hoon mairi bivi mujh say aik kiss

ka 100 RS laiti hay .. friend: acha, yar to bara lucky hay doosron say to wo 50

0RS laiti hay.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

A sardar was running with his pregnent wife,who was about to deliver, when anoth

er sardar asked him, O pernam singh, oye woti nu ais haal vitch le ke kithey puj

rya vain, pernam singh replied,assi Pizza hut chaley aan, sunya aa othey free d

elivery hondi aaa.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Munna Bhai > Abay Sirkit,

Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa,

meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.

Sirkit > par Bhai aap to khud doctor ho.

Munna Bhai > Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada ha

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

taxi driver:madam me abtak 10 pregnant ladkiyo ko airport chhod chuka hoon. Girl:

But i am not pregnant.Driver;Abhi tak

airportkaha aaya hai????

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher Kisses Ko Sentence Main

Is Tarah Istamal Karo K Word Kiss Bhi

Na Aaye Aur Meaning Aajae

Student Aaj Subah Subah

Begam Se Buhat Munh Maari Hui

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa: Should i buy tickets to my children.

Conductor: Yes only if they are above 8.

Santa: Thank god i have only 6 children

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Ricksey wale se :- Oy Railway Station Jayega.

Reckse wala:- hanji.

Santa:- To jao n yaha kyo khare ho.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Son : Daddy, aap Egypt kab gaye?

Father : Kabhi nahi! Kyu?

Son : Aapko Mummy kahaam se mili?

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

bhikhArI- das paise kA savAl hai, bAbujI das paise kA . .

bAbujI- are CUM-se-CUM merI aukAt dekhakar mANg,

kyA das paise mANg rahA hai.

bhikhArI- bAbujI ek rupaye kA savAl hai.

bAbujI- abe apanI aukAt dekhakar mANg.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Class me 2 Ladkiya,

1 gori

1 kali.

Kali Gori se:Tu konsi cream lagati he?

Gori:FAIR & LOVELY or tum?

Piche baita SANTA bola

Cherry Blosm.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Ne Najaiz Ghar Banaya Ksi Ne Mashwara Dia

Ghar K Bahar Aisi Chowking Kardo K Police Samjhe ki Porana Ghar Hai

Santa Ne Dewar Pe Likha

Anarkali Ko Riha Kro

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Chuha-mujse shadi krogi?

Sherni-apni aukat me reh.

Chuha-aukat ki baat mat kar,

confidence dekh.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Banta ko  Yaar lag raha hai menu bird flue ho gaya

Banta :-> Tenu keda pata

Santa :-> Yaar mera hai na kal se udne ko man kar raha hai.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa throw his mobile in samundar & bola  Aa aa upar aa

His friend ask pani me se upar kaise aayega.

Santa bola  Kyon nahi aayega DOLPHIN jo hai.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Doctor patient k peche bhag raha tha.

Ek admi ne pocha kya hua?

Doctor: 4 baar aisa he hua hai sala brain ka operation karwane aata hai aur baal

katwa k chala jata

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Air hostess: Aap 1 gante me 4bar toilet gaye! R U OK? Kya aap ko chein nahi hai?

SARDAR: Chain hai par khulti nahi hai!!!

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Man: Dr Mujhe normal potti nahi aati,Chawal khaya to chawal nikle,Roti khayi to

roti,normal k liye kya karu,

Dr: PoTTI KHA!!!!

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Doctor: Bachey ko paani

dene se pehle boil kar

lena chahiye

Sardar: Lekin Janab

Boil karne se bacha

marr toh nahi jaye ga!!

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar Bunks office n goes to home.

He saw his wife with his boss.

He comes back running office and says,

baap re, boss ne dekh liya hota to maar daalta.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa kissed his GF in park

Gf: Plz ye sab shaadi Ke Baad

Santa: Oh Soniye Dont worry Im married

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Cycle Ki Break Hath Me Lekar Nach Raha Tha.

Man-Ye Kya Kar Rahe Ho?

Santa-Oye! BREAK DANCE

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Tchr: Bachho batao billi

1 saath itne saare bacche kaise paida karti hai?

Kid: Mam agar aap road pe

billi ki tarha ghumo to aap ko pata chal jayega!!

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

wif: bus karo rat k 12 baje se kar rahe ho or subah ke 8 ho chuke hai.thake nahi

?

husbd: abhi to kuch nahi kiya ab to din rat karuga q k.mere 1000 msg free hai.

Stupid SMS Jokes, Funny Text Messages , SMS Jokes

wht do u call a really colourful tamilian???

Ans: Rangamannar rangrajan

----------------------------------------------------------------------

An elephant falls in luv wid n ent.but Ants parents r against their marrigeguess y

??

they gave a solid reason**Ladke k dat bahar hai**

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought..

Ans : kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda..

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Full form of MATHS????

Ans : Mentally Affected Teacher Harassing Students

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Doctor to Patient : The check which u gave me has returned back.

Patient to Doctor:The head-ache for which you gave me medicine has also returned

back.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife ran away with my best friend.

To tell you the truth, I really miss him.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you call a wife who is sexy,

beautiful,intelligent,understanding,

caring, never jealous and a great cook?

ANSWER : A rumour!

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Husband asks,Do u know the meaning of WIFE.

It meansWithout Information Fighting Evrytime!

WIFE on hearing this says,

it could also mean-With Idiot For Ever.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Early to bed and early to rise makes ur girlfriend go out with other guys.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

A Train is bout2 crash. A frantic virgin strips off n says:

 Can anyone make me feel like a woman b4 I die?

So a man takes off his clothes n say,Iron these!

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Mother to Teenage Daughter : I think its time that we should talk about SEX.

Daughter : Yes Mom, What do You want to know ?.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.

Doctor : Didnt the new glasses help?

Patient : Sure, Now i see the spots much clearer.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Husband wife ki godh mein leta hua thaa

Wife: Kaisa lag raha hai ji.

Husband: Aise jaise bhagwaan Vishnu Shesh naag ki godh mein lete hon!

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, You know, I was a fool when I marrie

d you.

She replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love & didnt notice.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?

Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, Jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye!

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------

Man:what is million years to u?

God:only a second.

Man:what is billion of Dollar.to u?

God:only a Coin.

Man:ok give me a Coin.

God:wait a second.

Santa banta hindi jokes

Ladkiyon ke college me strike thi,

Ladke bhi unke saath the

Ladkiyon ne naara lagaya:

HUMARI MAANGE

Pichhe se awaaz aayi:

SINDUR SE BHARO

 _________________________________________

Teacher : Santa and Banta!why you reached school late today?

Santa : Madam, I lost a one rupee coin and I was searching for it.

Teacher : Banta, what about you?

Banta : Madam. .., I was not able to move .because I was hiding that coin under m

y feet.

  _________________________________________

Teacher : Santa! Make a sentence using Neither-Nor.

Santa : When girls wear tight fitting dresses, NEiTHER are they

comfortable, NOR are we!

  _________________________________________

Teacher : Santa ye batao tense kitne tarah ke hote hai?

Santa : Teen maidam.

Teacher : Teeno ke ek-ek example batao.

Santa : Madam, meine kal aapki beti ko dekha tha. Aaj mein ussey pyar karta hu a

ur kal mein ussey bhaga kar le jaunga.

  _________________________________________

Santa ek black aur ek white shocks pehenkar school aata hai.

Madam : Ghar jao aur moje badalkar aao.

Santa : Koi fayda nahi, waha bhi ek black aur ek white moja hi rakha hai.

  _________________________________________

Ek baar Santa ka Gadha lapata ho jata hai

Wo mandir me jakar bhagwan ki murti k samne der tak prarthana karta hai.

Yeh dekhkar Banta ussey puchta hai, Santa kya tum bhagwan se ye prarthana kar rah

e ho

ki tumhara gadha tumhe mil jaye?.

Santa : nahi yaar, mein to bhagwan ka sukriya ada kar raha tha ki unke

kripa se mein gadhe par sawar nahi tha, nahi to mein bhi lapata ho jata!

  _________________________________________

what is the cube of 13?

Its : SUROOR

wandaring how?

thats bcoz.

TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR

  _________________________________________

who was the 1st Indian woman fly abroad?

.sita with ravan

  _________________________________________

wht did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?

Ans: Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya

Sardarji Jokes, santa-banta jokes, Sardarji joke, Sardar Jokes

Sardar to doctor: Jab mein sota hu to mere sapne me monkeys football khelte hai.

Dr: Koi baat nahi ye medicine sone se pehle kha lena.

Sardar: Kal se khaonga, aaj to final hai!!!

 _____________________________________________

A sardar had a baby after 3 months of marriage. He suspected

and asked to his wife, Ye 3 month me hi baccha kaise hua?

Wife Replied : Tumhari shaadi ko kitne din hue?

Sardar : Three months

Wife : Aur meri shaadi ko?

Sardar : 3 months.

Wife : Aur bacha kitne month ke baad?

Sardar : 3 months.

Wife : Total kitne months hue?

Sardar : Oye 9 months & start dancing Balle Balle!!!!

 _____________________________________________

Ek sarder ne air-hostess se kaha, Aapki shakal meri biwi

se bahut milti hai.

Air-hostess ne ye sunte hi zordaar thappad uske muh pe mara

Sardar foran bola : Aadat bhi bahut milti hai

  _____________________________________________

Ek din Santa jungle se gujar raha tha

Chudail ne use roka aur kaha : Ho ho ho Ha ha haMein Chudail hu.

Sardar : Menu pata haikyunki teri ek behen meri biwi hai!

  _____________________________________________

Ek chor Sardar jee k mobile ko lekar bhag raha tha.

Sardar hasne laga

Banta : Wo tumhare mobile ko lekar bhag raha hai aur tum hans rahe ho.

Sardar : Bhagne do, charger to mere paas hai!

  _____________________________________________

Sardar ke radio me kuch problem ho gayi to aur kharab ho gaya

Usne radio khol kar dekha to ek mara hua chuha mila

Ye dekh kar sardar gussa ho gaya aur bola : Ye chalega kaise?

Sala singer hi mara pada hai

  _____________________________________________

what is the extreme limit of stupidity? Two Sardars sitting on a Rikshaw.,

and.,

fighting for a corner seat.

  _____________________________________________

A Sardar looking at sky asks another Sardar :Is that a sun or moon? Other Sardar

replies :Oye ! No ideaIm new to this city..

Top Rated Jokes most popular jokes timepass jokes

Yamraj asks 3 ladies -

Kabhi kiss kiya?

1st lady : Shadi se pehle.

Yamraj : Chal Nark me.

2nd Lady : Shaadi ke baad.

Yamraj : Chal Swarg me.

3rd Lady : Na pehle na baad me.

Yamraj : Chal kamre me!!!

 ___________________________________________

Doctor : Aab tabiyat kaisi hai?

Santa : Pehle se jyada kharab hai.

Doctor : Dawai khali thi?

Santa : Nahi dawai ki sishi to bhari hui thi.

Doctor : I mean dawai le li thi?

Santa : Ji aapne di to meine le li thi.

Doctor : Bewkoof dawai pee li thi?

Santa : Nahi dawai to laal thi.

Doctor : Abe gadhe dawai ko pee liya tha?

Santa : Nahi sir peelia to mujhe tha!!!

  ___________________________________________

Sardars Son - Papa jaldi-2 mera viya kra deo nahi ta main DAADI nal viya kra lavang

a.

Sardar:oye tu meri MAA nal viya krayenga.!

Son:-kyo tusi meri MAA nal ni krayea..

  ___________________________________________

Santa : Meri biwi mujhe chorr ke chali gayi.

Banta : Tu uska khyal nahi rakhta hoga.

Santa : Arre yaarSagi behen ki tarah rakhta tha usko!

 ___________________________________________ 

Santa : Preeto chal honeymoon te chaliye.

Preeto : Mein velli nahi, main halle kapde v dhone e, te pande vi manjne e, tusi

beeji nu le jao.

  ___________________________________________

English Teacher: One cute and young girl is walking on the road. Change this into

an punjabi exclamatory sentence.

Sardar student:- Oye,pataka !

  ___________________________________________

SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength: My wife, Jeeto.

2.Weakness: Bantas wife, Preeto.

3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.

4.Threat: When I am on tour!!!

  ___________________________________________

Santa : Yaar aaj mein bus ke peeche peecha daudkar three rupees bacha liye.

Banta : Kya yaar, tum to bahut murkh ho, agar taxi ke peeche bhagte to 100 rupee

s bachta!

 ___________________________________________

Air hostess: Aap 1 hours me 4 baar toilet gaye! R U OK? Kya aap ko chein nahi ha

i?

Santa: Chain hai par khulti nahi hai!!!

  ___________________________________________

Wife: Please bike itni taze na chalao mujhey bahut dar lag raha hai.

Sardar: Agar tumhe bhi daar lag raha hai to meri tarah ankhein band karlo!!!

Rajni Jokes , rajnikant jokes

Que:> when does a calculator gives wrong answer?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ans:> when RAJNIKANTH uses it !!!!!!!!!!!!!
________________________________________________


This morning I desired to know Rajnikant's age. This is what happened to me: (DONT' TRY THIS!)

I started counting back from this year - 2012. I counted 2011, 2010... 1950... 1640... passed the age of Roman empire... then babylonian... then the age of dinosaurs... the birth of our solar system... even passed the big bang... and still my count didn't stop until I arrived to 2012 from the other side. ≡:-O ~ Jonathan John


________________________________________________
People update status..
Via
Blackberry,
I-phone,
Ipad,
Windows phone,
etc..
.
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Rajnikant updates
via
Calculator ...;-):-P:-P


________________________________________________
Once Rajni wanted a Passport size photo of himself..
He went to a studio nd took one..
The phtogrpher nearly died after seeing the NEGATIVE..
The NEGATIVE came in COLOUR..


________________________________________________
.CID's daya went in coma by seeing this....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Rajnikant broke the door jst by knocking
________________________________________________
Ek Baar Ek Judge ne Rajnikanth Ko Crime Karte Hue Dekh Liya
.
.
To Kya?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Tabse Kanoon Andha Ho Gaya!!
________________________________________________


Rajnikant's Fb Status -
Those Who Will Not Like This Status
Will Not Be Able To Use Facebook Anymore.
Notification - Mark Zuckerberg And Million Others Like This

Quotes said by a wise man , wise man quotes

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your
stupidity.
----------------------------------------------------
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
----------------------------------------------------
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say..........
----------------------------------------------------
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then, what exactly are the others here for?
----------------------------------------------------
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
----------------------------------------------------
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word ?
----------------------------------------------------
Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
----------------------------------------------------
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
----------------------------------------------------
Save water. 
Take bath with your neighbour's daughter.
----------------------------------------------------
Love the neighbor.
But don't get caught.
----------------------------------------------------
Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
----------------------------------------------------
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
----------------------------------------------------
The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
----------------------------------------------------
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
----------------------------------------------------
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
----------------------------------------------------
Love is photogenic
It needs darkness to develop
----------------------------------------------------
Children in backseats cause accidents
Accidents in backseats cause children
----------------------------------------------------
"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep
----------------------------------------------------
There should be a better way to start a day than
waking up every morning
----------------------------------------------------
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk !
----------------------------------------------------
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours !
----------------------------------------------------
God made relatives.
Thank God we can choose our friends.
----------------------------------------------------
When two's company, three's the result !
----------------------------------------------------
A dress is like a barbed fence
It protects the premises without restricting the view
----------------------------------------------------
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
----------------------------------------------------
Love doesn't have to have a happy ending, 'coz love
doesn't have to end at all.

Silly SMS jokes , funny sms jokes part 2

Newton in romantic mood-
"Love can neither be created,
Nor be destroyed. Only it can b
transfered from 1 girlfrnd to another girlfrnd,
with some loss of money."

__________________________________________

"change cannot be given to you everytime."
"You only Must Bring d Change..."
Great lines said by...

Bus Conductor...
__________________________________________

UNIVERSAL TRUTH:
If a boy opens the door of his car for his girlfriend. .
Then. .
Either the 'girlfrnd' is new or the 'car'. . !!
__________________________________________

Ek Budha Ek ladki se Takraya....
Budha: Sorry...
Ladki: Andha hai kya.....Dikhta nah!!
Jaise hi aage badhi, Ek handsome ladka us ladki se takra gaya...
Ladka: Sorry...
Ladki: It's okay!!
Budha ladki se bolta hai "MERI SORRY KI SPELLING GALAT THI KYA??"
__________________________________________

Log kehte hai ki 40,000/- ka royal paint lagaye to ghar rangeen dikhta he.
Are pagal 100/-ki ROYAL STAG piyo, sara shehar rangeen dikhega..!

__________________________________________

A good discussion is like a MINI SKIRT.
Short enough to pertain interest and
long enough to cover the subject.
__________________________________________
When There Is a Long Gap Between Engagement & Marriage,
Who Is Most Benefited ?
?
Boy
No
?
Girl
No
?
It's The
.
.
.
Mobile Company!
__________________________________________
Jis chehre ko dekh kar haste the hum, aaj usine "Rula diya" khud ne to phone kiya nahi,
humne kiya to
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
caller tune,"Tuje Bhula Diya"
__________________________________________
1 Kanjus blade se haat chir raha tha..
uski biwi boli:
kya kar rahe ho!?!
kanjus bola:
Dettol gir gaya tha,
socha q barbad karu,
haat chir k lagalu. !!!!!!!
__________________________________________
Rab kare aap ko sab miley
Himmat
Izzat
Rupaiya
Bungalow
Style
Smile
Personality
Popularity
Car
Pyar
.
.
Ab bhi button daba rahe ho
LAALCHI.
__________________________________________

Silly SMS jokes , funny sms jokes part 1

Soul1: How did u die?
Soul2: Due 2 cold U?
S1: I doubted my wife with a man & searched my house,
found none, felt guilty & suicided
S2: Ha ha i was in d Fridge..
_____________________________________________
Spiritual thought for d day-
.
Faithful boyfrnds will go straight to heaven..
.
.
.
.
.
Unfaithful boyfrnds are already enjoying...
HEAVEN on Earth.
_____________________________________________
LAZINESS is the 'father' of all bad habits..
.
.
.
.
.
But ultimately he is a father & we should respect him!
-
-Be Lazy,
Think Crazy!
_____________________________________________

Teacher2KG Kid: Hw many mnths in a year?
Kid: 12
Teacher: Hw did u knw?
Kid: Baara mahine me bara tarike se tujhko pyar jataunga re!
DHINKA CHIka Dhinka Chika
_____________________________________________
Heart touching lines.. Thousand words of any teacher does not hurt much.. But the silence of a friend in the examination hall brings tears to the eyes..!
_____________________________________________

Who is the most lucky man of this week.?
.
.
.
Kanimozi's husband ofcourse....
Rs.214 Cr in hand and wife is in the jail
enjoy man..!!
_____________________________________________
U S A: Hamare DOG Football khelte hai?
JAPAN: Hamari FISH dance Karti hai?
CHINA: Hamare HATHI cycle chalate hai?
INDIA: HAMARE GADHE DESH CHALATE H
_____________________________________________
Osama to Amitabh : How are you ?
Amitabh : Bas kabhi Khushi kabhi gam, Aur aap ??
Osama; Bas kabhi gola kabhi Bum
_____________________________________________
GIRL- kitna pyar krte ho mujhse?
BOY- Shahjahan jaisa.
GIRL- To Tajmahal bnwao.
BOY- Zameen kharid li h, bs tumhare mrne ka intezaar kr rha hu.
_____________________________________________
Lalu thanking obama after his stay in america-
Thank you for ur hospitality.when you come 2 india.god promis, i wil also hospitalise u.....

Silly SMS jokes , funny sms jokes

Tcher- Netaji, apka beta fail ho gaya he aur aap laddu khila rahe he?
Netaji- 70 ladko ki class me 60 fail hai, bahumat to mere bete k sath he.

A Cockroach To A Young Guy:
"I Can Make Your Girlfriend Scream,
More Louder Than You Can...

If Mallika Shehrawat plays Dropadi in Mahabharat..
Duryodhan will say... Dussashan, pehna do bhabhi
ko saari, hum bhi to dekhen yeh vastron mein kaisi lagti hai...

khuda kare tera mobile kho jaye
mile mughe aur mera ho jaye
karu sms ladikyo ko naam tera aaye
Maar tughe pare aur mazza mughe aaye


Snta-Ye Chhota Medal Tumhe Kyu Mila H?
Bnta-Gane K Liye,
Snta-Aur Ye Bada Wala?
Bnta-Apna Gana Band Krne K Lie

In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE-Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA-Yes Yes.I'm changing d battery of my camera..

santa:-yaar mera kutta kho gaya hai. Main kya karu?
Banta:abe tu paper me kyo nahi de deta ki tera kutta kho gaya.
Santa: chup kar sale mera kutta pada likha nahi hai.

Bijlee ki taar or ladki mai kya similarty hai???
Guess..
Not Sure
Oh Come on Yaar Simple Yaar
Dono Nangi ho toh jaan nikaal deti hai

Sardar: Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar, sirf do word padhe aur woh bhi ulte.

PATNI NE KAR DI DI
PATI KI ESS BAAT PAR DHUNAI !
KI USNE
" PATI PARMESWAR" FILM Q NAHI DIKHAI....

Faqir:Madam Bhuka hu,Khuda k naam pr khana dedo
Mam:Khana abi nai bna
Faqir:Facebuk pe BABA Pappu k naam se hu,ban jye to WALL pe post krdena...

"Barish hue bheeg gaye hum"
"Barish hue bheeg gaye hum"
Fir kya,
"Rajnikanth ne phuk maari sukh gaye hum"!



Read more: http://www.latestsms.in/comedy-sms.htm#ixzz1vXL2m1Hh

Poor Jokes Collection

A boxer’s wife is woken up by some weird noises coming from the living room. She wakes her husband up and tells him: 
“Rocky! Wake up! I think somebody’s in the living room for a private boxing lesson!” 

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“I’d like some vitamins for children, please.” 
“What kind of vitamins? Is it A, B or C?” 
“It doesn’t really matter! They haven’t learned how to read yet!” 

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A newspaper boy keeps shouting on the street: 
“Big scam! Big scam! 12 Victims!” 
A man decides to buy the newspaper and while browsing it he discovers there is nothing inside it about a scam.
The boy keeps shouting even louder now: 
“Big scam! Big scam! 13 victims!” 


-------------------------------------------------------------

Finding out that the Summer Olympics are closing in and there’s no glory like winning gold medals, Jerry applies to get in the Olympic team of his 
country, promising he’ll bring home 7 gold medals. His application was approved, and in the second day Jerry managed indeed to get the 7 gold medals he wanted. He was apprehended later that day. 

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Two old friends meet: 
“Garry, what’s your job now?” 
“I mimic termites.” 
“How so?” 
“I have to drill holes in the wood for a furniture factory” 

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Deep breaths kill the germs. The question is how to you get them to breathe in deep? 

What is the absolute inconvenient? It is born out of the association between will and diligence. 

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“Doc, I’ve got memory problems” 
“How did you notice that?” 
“ Notice what...?” 

------------------------------------------------------------- 

The teacher asks children at school what are they eating. When she asks Jerry, he answers: 
“Tea” 
“Only tea?”, asks the teacher 
“Yes” 
“Jerry, tomorrow the principle will come to talk with all of you. I want you to tell him you eat meat ok?” 
“ok!” 
The next day came, and the principal asked Jerry the same question. The child answered: 
“Meat!” 
“All day?” 
“Yes!” 
“And how much meat do you eat in one day?” 
“Usually about three cups.” 

most stupid questions and answers

Q: What's the definition of a teenager?
A: God's punishment for enjoying sex.

Q: Did you hear the slogan for the the new "Stealth Condom?"
A: "They'll never see you coming."

Q: How is a woman like a road?
A: Both have manholes.

Q: What's the definition of a vagina?
A: The box a penis comes in.

Q: What do you call a truckload of vibrators?
A: Toys for Twats.

Q: What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
A: S&M&M.

Q: Why do we have orgasms?
A: How else would we know when to stop?

Q: Define Transvestite:
A: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

Q: Mom's have Mother's Day. Fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday.

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow job?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: There's no business like Show Business.
A: There's no job like a blow job.

poor jokes questions , a torture of senses part 2

Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A: When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

Q: What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
A: How do we find an egg in all of this crap?

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo!

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.

Q: How does every ethnic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job?
A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job.

Q: How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!

Q: What did the Indian say to the white woman when she tied his penis in a knot?
A: "How Come?"

poor jokes questions , a torture of senses part 1

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between Courtney Love & Eric Lindross?
A: Eric takes a shower after 3 periods

Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."

Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

poor jokes questions , a torture of senses

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.

Q: How is a lawyer different from a hooker?
A: There are some things a hooker just won't do.

Q: How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the sockets go with the house.

Q: What do you call a man with a car on his head?
A: Jack

Q: What's Black and Brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.

Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!

Q: What do you call a lawyer skydiving?
A: A skeet.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother.

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

most stupid questions and there stupid answers

1.. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends…

Stupid Question: – Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer: – Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here…

2.. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…

Stupid Question: – Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer: – No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…..why don’t you try
again.

3.. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people asks…

Stupid Question: – Why, why him, of all people.

Answer: – Why? Would it rather have been you?

4.. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question: – Is the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??

Answer: – No, it’s terrible and made of adulterated cement.

At a family get-together:

When some distant aunt meets you after years…

Stupid Question: – Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.

Answer: – Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6.. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…
Stupid Question: – Is the guy you’re marrying well?

Answer: – No, he’s a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout…it’s
just
the money.

7.. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…
Stupid Question: – Sorry. Were you sleeping?

Answer: – No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in

Africa marries or not. You thought I was sleeping….you dumb witted

Moron.

8.. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…
Stupid Question: – Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer: – No, its autumn and I’m shedding……

9.. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Stupid Question: – Tell me if it hurts?

Answer: – No it won’t. It will just bleed.

10.. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…
Stupid Question: – Oh, so you smoke.

Answer: – Gosh, it’s a miracle …………it was a piece of chalk and
now
it’s in flames!!!

funny questions and funny answers

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?   
It was stuck to the leg of a chicken !!!


Q: What gets bigger the more you take away?
A: A hole!


Why did the rooster cross the road?       
To prove he wasn't chicken !!


What gets wet the more you dry? 
 A towel  !!


Why did the chicken cross the road?    
To show the raccoon it could be done !!

What did one volcano say to the other? 
 Do you lava me like I lava you?

Question: What has 4 wheels and flies?
Ans: garbage truck!

Can you answer this ?
 If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?

 Why do candle trimmers work so few days a week? 
 They only work on wick-ends!

Why did the chicken cross the road?   
To get to the other side !!!!
Why did the turtle cross the road?                
To get to the Shell Station!!!

(Q) Why do gorillas have big nostrils?


(A) Because they have big fingers

How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?  
You bump your nose on the ceiling !!

doctor, doctor I keep on lying.
 That's not true!

What did the sea say to the sand? 
 Nothing, it just waved!

How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?  
Because you need a ladder to get in !!

What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? 
 Get dressed up, the doctor is taking us out!

Question: What is greater than god?
What is more evil than the devil?
The poor has it,
The rich need it,
if you eat it you will die.
What is it?
Answer: Nothing

Q: What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk?
A: Chocolate chimp cookies.
Q: What do frogs eat with their hamburgers?
A: French flies.
Q: What is a little dog's favorite drink?
A: Pupsi-cola.

Q: Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?
A: He's all-right now!

What kind of keys do kids like to carry?
 Coo-kies!

Q: What do monsters make with cars?
A: Traffic Jam

Q: What do you call the elephant witch doctor?
A: Mumbo Jumbo

Poor jokes extreme torture

Q - In a pond there are 10 fish, one of them dies, and the water level of the pond increases. How?


Think...........try it 


Yes you can................


No??? Cmon..


Can't answer..........scroll down



.. scroll...




A - The other 9 fish are crying.................


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Once 5 CHIPKALIs (house lizards) : Phulwa, RaamPyaari,RaamDulari,RaamPuri and RaamChuri were crawling on the wall when all of a sudden, Phulwa started to sing a song. The moment Phulwa stopped singing the song, RaamPyaari,RaamDulari, RaamPuri and RaamChuri fell down from the wall !!!. WHY ???


scroll down for answer. . . . . . . . . .
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not getting, very simple yaar.. 
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coz, they all started clapping !!!!

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Ek Aur PJ Isse kehte hain.........

Gattu ek lecture attend karta hai.Lecture ke baad use bhookh lagti hai.so he goes to the canteen.canteen mein gattu ek pav leta hai. jaise hi woh pav khane ke liye uthata hai to dekhta hai ki uski plate mein "jannat" likha hai.
To janaab ab aapko yeh batana hai ki gattu jiska lecture attend karke aa
raha hai! , us professor ka naam kya hai???

guess

scroll down for the answer
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The answer is :Ishq Ki Chhaon. 

Jinke "Sir" ho "Ishq ki Chhaon"
"Pav" ke neeche "Jannat" hogi....


Don't scratch ur head, this is a song from the film "Dil Se" - Jinke sar
ko ishq ki chaon paon ke neeche jannat hogi; chaiyya chaiyya song 


One More

What wud u call a Gal who never laughs....?
- ...and the Answer
is..........
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HASINA ! (Hasi Naa)



Whatz a PJ ?
Obviously "a poor joke"




Whatz a (P + i J)?





- A "complex poor joke" 


Why don't people laugh on a "complex poor joke" ?

- scroll down for answer.......








- more boss....












Bcoz the joke part of it is 
imaginary.
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Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?






Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER.......using this LIGHTER you can light the other cigarette 



Another deadly answer. scroll down a little








Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win
Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette 


If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down









Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)

"TIP TIP barsa Pani.

Pani ne aag lagayee." 

us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".
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A railway station beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer. 
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question?






Answer is ?
"So, which platform are you working on?"
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Question: Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in love with each other and want to get married, but cannot.Why?







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Ans: Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is illegal 

Another list of Poor jokes that will make you scratch your head

Ek aadmi bank se bahar aake ek auto mein chada....autowala usko
us k ghar le gaya aur 100 rs liya. actually, it wouldn't have
costed more than 10 rs. Agle din, subah jab woh aadmi jagaa, he
was not able to see anything.kuch bhi nahin dikh raha tha But then,
raat hote hi, uski aankh theekh ho gayi and he was able to see everything
clearly.
WHY?
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Kyonki autowaale ne us aadmi ko ULLOO bana diya tha!!!



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Ek Gadha ped par chadha to oopar baithe haathi ne poochha:



Haathi: Tu kyun chadha ?



Gadha: Apple khaane



Haathi: Lekin yeh to Mango tree hai !!
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Gadha: Maloom hai, main apple saath laaya hoon!!!

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Champu and Pampu are 2 elephant friends. Champu is in love with

Champi, > > the elephant beauty queen. Champu proposes to Champi and

she
rejects him for some other rich elephant across the river. Champu
is
very sad,

so Pampu consoles Champu and asks him to play see- saw at the
garden.

Suddenly the see- saw breaks... and they burst to a
song................... guess which one............................

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See- Saw ho ya dil ho.... aakhirrrrrr...toot jaata hai....toot
jaata hai...toot jaata hai....!!!!!


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The Maratha Regiment was fighting hard on the border against
the enemies....They had to cross the border to capture the enemy
base....but no one was able to cross the border and go across.
fearing death .
Just then Hawaldar Pawan Kumar Jhonke ...got up and crossed the
border.....and nothing happened to him ..why??
Kyon ki
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Panchi Nadiya PAWAN K JHONKE... Koi Sarhad na Inhe roke...(from Refugee)


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A man is speeding in his Ferrari on the highway.......suddenly
a hare hops up from nowhere, onto the road. unable to dodge it he
runs right o v er it............overcome by concern he stops his car to
inspect the hare..........the hare is dead. being an animal lover ,our
Ferrari driver tries to bring back the hare to life........he
frantically searches the dicky of his car and finds a spray- can
there.......he
sprays the dead animal with it...suddenly the hare springs back to
life........it runs along the road....looks back and waves at the
man....then again runs along some distance ,looks back and waves at
him.....and then
again runs further,looks back and waves...
the man looks at the can and reads these words...
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'HAIR SPRAY. BRINGS LIFE TO DEAD HAIR.INCREASES WAVINESS.'



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A friend gives a barrel full of FEVICOL to his friend on his birthday.
What does this friend who receive the gift sing ???
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Dushman na kare dost ne ye kaam kiya hai
Umra bhar ka gham (gum) hame inaam diya hai........